If one or both his parents were routinely unfaithful, your man may be more inclined to cheat — especially if his father was the skirt-chaser. He lost his job. But unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel vulnerable, especially if he had the job for decades and it defined his identity. Leslie says. He had doubts about moving in or getting married. A man who is not entirely invested in a relationship is always looking for an exit, making him vulnerable to the temptations of infidelity.
You go to bed; he stays up late. Sound familiar? Nice — or is it? It also could be a diversion or motivated by guilt. But it's actually a preemptive strike, Dr. He stops cuddling in bed. Or he comes to bed dressed for Antarctica when he once slept nude. His computer habits have changed. His behaviour: Has he started changing his daily routine for seemingly no reason? Or perhaps he told you he was out with Steve last week, but you later discover that Steve was away at a conference.
The innocent explanation: Work could be getting more stressful — perhaps someone has left, leaving him with more work than normal. The guilty reason: Once someone starts lying, it becomes more and more difficult to keep up the act, so when small unexplained things start happening or you notice inconsistent things, there could be something not-so-innocent as an explanation. His behaviour: Remember the days when you always used to go to his Christmas parties or summer balls?
His behaviour: He spends more time being interested in you than normal. Perhaps he buys you gifts unexpectedly or starts helping look after the children more than normal. He may even start doing more around the house, ironing, washing, or those niggly DIY jobs that have been left unfinished for months.
The innocent explanation: Have you been going through a bad patch recently? Your fella could have decided to make more of an effort in order to get things back on track — positive thinking is important in relationships. This sort of thing often happens in the early stages of an affair. Men tend to be more direct than women. This is also how many people who cheat deal with their guilt — they try to make themselves feel better by turning the tables. His behaviour: Has your partner started wanting to watch new TV programmes, listen to new music or even bought new clothes or a new aftershave?
The guilty reason: A new woman often means he experiences new things other than sex that you have no hand in. His behaviour: This is almost the opposite of him being over-interested in you. Instead, the person cheating is dealing with issues in their relationship with themselves.
And so they look for an affair to fill some missing gap, fill some hole, help them figure out something going on within themselves. There may not be an issue in their relationship with their partner at all.
But then an opportunity presents itself—an out-of-town trip; someone new is attracted to them—and things happen without any pre-planning or malice aforethought.
Cheating is not only a violation of trust, but also a betrayal of values. If the cheating partner has been in a relationship for a long period of time, it's about the excitement of an unexpected attraction. It's much more about what's going on with the person that cheated. But at some point you also have to recognize that it's much more about your partner than it is about you. That feeling is common, assures Marin, but also cautions against self-condemnation.
It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," she advises. You are a good person who has done a bad thing. Marin says that cheating offers an opportunity to learn an important lesson about yourself.
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